Hunt for Feline Fagin

NEW YORK police today are on the lookout for what has been described as a ‘Feline Fagin’. Police Commissioner G Shepherd said earlier today, “Acting on information from A Mouse a squad of police officers raided the home of Ms Catz earlier today.

Inside the dwelling they discovered the remains of what appeared to be a large pie. Forensics on the pie crust and filling uncovered the grisly truth, that multiple murder victims had been cooked and eaten by the former residents of the house. That is, Ms Catz and three kittens.

While the kittens cannot be named due to their age, it is unknown if the kittens are the offspring of Ms Catz or if Ms Catz has somehow lured innocent kittens to her lair in order to train them in a life of crime. If the latter is the case then it may be that we are hunting for a feline ‘Fagin’ figure.”

The eye-witness, Mr A Mouse, was able to supply details on how Ms Catz went about grooming her future gang members. “I saw them once, poor little mites, they’d gone and lost their mittens. Well, you know what youngsters are like, put something down and forget about it and suddenly it’s lost. Well, they did that and when she found out she belted them over the head and left a whopping great scratch on their noses! Poor things, they were just cowed in front of ‘er, ready to do anything to please ‘er, and ‘er looking all smug about it too. Like to break yer ‘eart it were. Then she turns round and says they can starve for all she cares, they ain’t gonna get no pie till the mittens are found. Of course, I din’t know what was in the pie then. Wish I din’t know now to tell the truth.”

Mouse further revealed that the kittens had searched, and found their mittens and had received their ‘reward’ of pie. However, in their near-starvation rush to eat the said pie they had soiled their mittens. At which time Ms Catz proved how much power she had over the kittens by subtly persuading them to use an oversized bucket to wash the mittens in. Despite nearly drowning in the bucket the kittens carried out their task.

Due to death threats from Ms Catz, Mr A Mouse is now in hiding and has taken out a restraining order against Ms Catz and the kittens. His only comment on this was “I ain’t gonna be stewed with no green pease and eaten by them lot for no-one”.

Other witnesses state that Ms Catz was last seen with the kittens chasing after a neighbour, Mr C Ratz. It appears that Ms Catz was teaching the kittens the skill of lying in wait for a victim when the kittens were distracted by a twitch in Ms Catz’s tail. This afforded Mr C Ratz a moment to make his escape.

Police are appealing for any information on the whereabouts of Ms Catz, the kittens or Mr C Ratz to be given to CrimeStoppers. Says Mr Shepherd, “Given Ms Catz liking for eating rodents we hold grave fears for Mr Ratz’s well-being and are appealing to the public for any sighting of him reported to CrimeStoppers or your nearest police station.”