Global Warming Ends House-Calls

UK: Doctor Foster announced today that he would be reducing the area serviced by medical house-calls. While his surgery has a long tradition of servicing homes in Gloucestershire, he regrets that the effects of global warming have finally become too great for his surgery to continue offering the same service.

In a statement released earlier today Dr Foster stated, “When I first opened the surgery here I would spend most of my time outside of the building and travelling around making house-calls. This service was especially needed by the elderly and those who were unable to travel to the surgery due to health issues.

However, in the last few years it has become increasingly difficult to travel around the shire due to increased rainfall. The water damage to the roadways has reached a dangerous level and the shire desperately needs to fix the infrastructure.

On my last visit to the region I was caught in a downpour and when I tried to cross the road to reach the home of one of my patients I stepped into what appeared to be a small puddle. It was, in fact, a sink-hole which, when I stepped into it, was deep enough to have me in a puddle over my waistline. I was stuck there for three hours before a local happened to look out of their window and notice me there. 

After such a close call I cannot justify putting either my colleagues or myself in such harm by making further house-calls. I regret that I will have to suspend the house-calling service until such time as the shire repairs its roadways and the global warming has ceased.”

Many of Dr Foster’s patients have supported his move. A spokesman for them released the following statement in reply. “We have been patients of Dr Foster for many years. He saw many of our children into the world as well as our grandchildren. While we regret that we may not see him as often now we understand why Dr Foster has had to withdraw the house-call service. After so many years of keeping us and our families healthy we would not like to see him come to any harm on his rounds.”

The Aged-Services Group proposes to run a weekly bus service for any of Dr Foster’s patients wishing to travel to his surgery in the future. The Gloucestershire council could not be reached for comment.